The Messy Middle
What happens when you realize you aren’t able to actually do it all? That moment when you remember the thing you have been trying so hard to remember? Realizing, how much you messed up because you were trying to manage too much? Yup, that’s where I am at. The messy middle of life.
Some people might say, “forgive yourself, it’s okay we have all done it.” Others might sneer, “don’t worry we never really expected you to be able to do it all anyway.” It’s not their voices that matter. It’s your own internal processing. The truth is you are probably giving yourself both of those throughlines while the balance of the messaging is what you should focus on.
I have been wanting to update my website and failing to put the effort in. It fell into the messy middle aspect of my life. I decided to not fall victim to the sneer or the consolation. Neither message suits me anyway. What did I need to hear? Something encouraging, motivational and a strategy to help me pull everything together.
I have a vision and I didn’t have a single clue how I was supposed to make it happen. Deer in the headlights moment, frozen with panic and trying to decide if I wanted to run into the woods to hide or straight towards the light. I opted to do nothing and just let the idea simmer until it evaporated because life moved on.
Life has circled back and while I am still slightly clueless I am brave enough to admit this failing. Since my vision is still clear I feel it is the right choice, now I have to push myself to learn something new and fail valiantly a bunch of times so that I can launch it. That is what we do when something is worth it, right? We continue trying while failing? That’s why they call it the messy middle.
I plan on updating the website to include topics about my favorite escapisms during pain flares. Reviews on TV shows, Books, Hobbies and Podcasts. While my family loves my cooking and hails me as an impressive home cook I have not mastered the art of virtual tutorials. I can however share my favorite recipes and if I find someone else who has artfully demonstrated the process I will share their video.
When living with chronic pain life becomes so big that I find it important to focus on the little things. The small moments that bring joy. That is what I want this website to become. A hub for the Chronic Warrior Community to seek out support and find joy in life. Please excuse the messy middle as I figure out how to get it done.
Please note: I have been writing on Substack https://martiannrlife.substack.com/
I have also had the pleasure of working with CRPS.org as a guest blogger. Here are the links to my articles – more to come!
https://crps.org/the-part-about-crps-no-one-warns-you-about/
https://crps.org/crps-and-denial-what-is-reality/
https://crps.org/under-the-mask-the-right-to-be-angry/
As always you can find me on:
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61574865981131
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/martiann.life/
TikTok @martiannrlife
When in doubt please reach out. No one should ever feel alone in their pain.
