The choices we make…

I did it! I am doing it! I can hardly believe this day has finally come. I am 47 years old and I have relaunched myself into the world, officially as a Life Coach with a website and business. Wow, this is scary but exciting. Last March, I shared with my family and friends that I had earned my Life Coach certification. Only a select few knew that I was working towards this goal, so while everyone celebrated my accomplishment and good news, they also questioned “Why?”

Over the years I had developed a small presence on my social media platforms, advocating for awareness and giving support. I would always try to help whoever reached out to me. When family members told me they knew of a friend of a friend who was recently diagnosed they asked if I would talk to that person. I was balancing my own health management, family life and helping others. My boys are older now and I realized, I wanted to do more. The question was how.

Have you ever been placed in a difficult moment, having to make a choice? Every day we make thousands of choices without even pausing to consider how they impact our life but when we are faced with a hard choice we suddenly wake up and pay attention. I often reflect back on one pivotal moment early in my pain journey.

I was in High School. I had a hall pass to leave my classes early to walk to the next class while the hallways were clear. I was using crutches and an immobilizer brace. On this specific day my pain was so high that I only managed to walk halfway to the next class before the bell rang, letting the students out. I put my back up to the lockers to protect myself from being knocked over. Tears silently sliding over my cheeks as I felt invisible and yet filled with so much pain. One friend saw me, stopped and asked if he could help me. I was embarrassed so I told him I was okay. When the hallway was empty again my leg was screaming in pain. I didn’t think I could take another step let alone manage to make it to my class. What I wanted to do was sit down. If I sat down I might not be able to get back up. I wiped my tears, took a breath and told myself I had to figure this out. I couldn’t just stand there. If I managed to get to class I would be in too much pain to focus or get anything out of it. I couldn’t sit down despite that being the one thing I really wanted to do. I had to make a choice. I resolved to use whatever strength I could muster and go straight to the nurses office where I could rest. I would not sit down on the floor and give up!

That memory, the moment I made a choice to not succumb to my pain has been a type of guidepost for all my hard decisions in life. It helped me form a mindset. When I am faced with a hard choice I allow myself to feel my emotion. I don’t wallow in it but I feel it so that I can know what my heart is telling me. Then I make a resolution to decide what I don’t want. I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to sit down but I didn’t want to give up. How can I get to where I want to be? This is why you wipe your tears because you need to see clearly. Getting to the nurses office was a hard walk and almost the same distance as my next class but the result of sitting down would not have been the same. It was only with a clear head that I could see this difference. I have taken this memory and I have reframed the lesson because it applies in so many areas of life.

“There is always another turn.” Teaching my son to drive I realized, a lot of life lessons are built into practical road rules. While driving to an unfamiliar location one day, we missed our turn. Instead of freaking out I remained calm, understanding that if I became upset I wouldn't be able to clearly see and react to my available options. While trying to figure out how to turn around I just calmly told him, “There is always another turn.” Teaching my son how to remain calm and problem solve in a situation when too many drivers react in the moment. It can be natural, we feel unsure of ourselves so our stress increases but in reality we need to pause to remember the mindset. 1. Feel your emotion but down wallow in it - Yes, I was anxious because by missing the turn I wasn't familiar with my surroundings. 2. Resolve to to decide what you don’t want to do - I didn't want to be lost while teaching my son how to drive.  3. Decide how you can get to where you want to be - there is always another turn! 

So, how and why did I decide to take this new turn in my life? Become a certified Life Coach. I faced a hard decision. I have been living with CRPS, chronic pain since 1995 and for almost two decades I have been advocating, supporting and helping to raise awareness. I know the statistics. I know how hard it is for patients to get help. I kept wishing someone would do more. I wanted change to happen. I felt like I was doing my part…while being frustrated with how limited my health made me. I had heard about Life Coaching. Then one day I began to put my own mindset to work. I stopped wallowing in my frustration of how my pain prevented me from doing more. I resolved that I didn’t want to keep doing what I was doing, even though I was proud of myself I was ready for more. I decided that all these years I had been acting as a Life Coach so it was time to make it official. I realized my dream was bigger than just earning my Life Coach certification. If Mel Robbins (I love listening to her podcasts and I loved her book “The Let Them Theory) could 5-4-3-2-1 launch her podcast at 54 years old then why can’t I chase this dream at 47 years old? I want to help people living with Chronic Pain learn how to live their best lives despite their pain! I have been helping but I want to do more, becoming a certified Life Coach and launching this website is just the beginning. I have made my choice to take the other turn…